I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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