Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
