My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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