If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
its not stalking. its research.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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