she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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