A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
