when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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