I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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