I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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