No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize