All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
