I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
