I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize