Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
