So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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