Your dad touched me again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
