I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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