Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
