Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
