Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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