you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
