So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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