Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize