I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
