You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
