she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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