My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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