READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
