I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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