Non-Jews are for practice
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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