i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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