she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
