Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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