We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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