so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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