Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
