But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
