just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize