im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
