Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
