Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
