Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
These tits shall not be calmed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
