I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
