I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
