My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
