she looked like the before picture.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
