she woke up with a sticky ear
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
