let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
