when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
