Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
