i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
