Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
