WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
