I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
