I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
