You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
