And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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