i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
