what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
