No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
