i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
