can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
