well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The beer is more important than you right now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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