her vagina looked like bernie madoff
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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