I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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