Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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