yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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