I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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