this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
