I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
