You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
