Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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