ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize