The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
